[ Inveterate Depression ]

| Things done half heartedly are only half of what they are?




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Hey, it's a good thing no one reads the stuff that I write in this section, or else everybody would know about me. Which is something perhaps I don't want. It's all about me anyway. What the hell are you doing here, trying to understand me or something?

Had a friend give me ill wishes recently, this along with some other stuff did something or other to my emotional mental something something... In anycase, I have self diagnosed myself and have noticed strange changes in mood. Lack of enthusiasm, random chest pressure, generally bad moodiness, lack of humour, low facial expressions... Some of that stuff sounds funny. Quite humourous. Reminds me of depression. Shit. Just when I thought I was free of the condition, it slaps me in the face... during Christmas. Fantastic really.

Received a Chrissy Present... I wasn't sure whether to leave it until Boxing Day to open it or not. I opened it the day I received it; smart choice. There were delicious choc-chip type thingo cookies in it. So soft and buttery, and tastey =D Oh so yummy.

Hmmm, saw the movie Domino. It was quite good. Didn't quite understand some of the sexual content, bit of an overuse in the "I'm a female" department... but otherwise had an interesting story telling style. Ashes, ashes.... We all fall down. Only thing I would complain about was a part where one female bounty hunter picked up two rifles, one in each hand and managed to down six targets with full automatic firing. Adrenaline or not... people should not be able to have that much firepower.

I have tried counteracting the mind numbing effects of the disease. Apparently if I can drink enough caffeine injected liquids.. my mind will experience a temporary high. This combined with general tiredness allows me to express my emotions more freely. Quite handy, but does make my fingers more loose over instant messenging =/

Hmmm.. work. What stuff happened. I work in retail at the cash registers. A lady comes up with shopping... and a particular PS2 game. I open the box and it's empty; no cd, no manual. I tell her she will need to go back to the Audio Visual department and purchase it there. She knowingly informs me that there is a sign at the AV department that says that all games and DVDs can be purchased at the front registers. (As opposed to the AVdept) I counter this information by reasoning that I do not have a collection of CDs underneath my register. Obviously getting quite distraught and angry(?) the lady informs me again that there is a sign. I counter again, noting that I do not have the CD with me, and open the box to prove it. Quite angry at me for some strange reason, she implores that I do something about the sign; that it should be taken down. Unreasonably holding the queue up.. I myself am getting quite distressed. Disgruntled customer... what to do? I have no training in this area of expertise. There are only three things I could have done emotionally. Become angry and hit her; bad idea. Become depressed; frown, cry or generally succumb to her wishes and run away from the register and tear down the sign, making everything become magically better... or do trigger mental instability. I chose the latter. Okay, maybe it was common sense, but it still sounded cooler.. MI... I put on my bestest condescending smile and gave her the game box. I then informed her of the total cost of her purchases. She took the game box after paying and left... I'm not sure if she went to the AV dept.. if she did, she would have waited a little while and bothered some poor guy at the AVdept.. or she might have stolen the game box and gone home with the rest of her shopping.. or whatever it is unreasonable idiots do...

Okay, so I'm quite angry at some disgruntled customers. Who can blame me. If it was my choice, I would have stabbed her. Seeing how my yummy-cookie-baking friend told me not to... I didn't. *Sigh* I guess some people don't agree with my anger management. Fucker. *Hic* Meh, I love you anyway.

I've been quite protectant about the way my mind thinks. I've tried to block away all things that may affect it. Namely alcohol, drugs and lust. I'm doing quite well so far I think. Unfortunately, I have noticed that both caffeine and mass quantities of sugar affect my mind... sometimes not always the way I want it to. I'm trying to decide whether or not to add sugar and caffeine to my list of "Do not Do"s.

What else is on the agender? I want to read more Anita Blake books. I decided not to read the tenth book of the Wheel of Time series. It just got sooo boring. Harry Potter, I need to read that sixth book... people spoil it for me too quickly =P. I'm yet to see Dobby in a movie. Music, I've really started to like music. I like rock and metal mainly... but I don't mind a bit of pop, light rap and piano mixed in with it. I love the sound of piano, oh and electronics.



Hmm.. *hugs for those who reads this blog*
Make sure you put a comment. Safe wishes to ye.
-Matty